From Anger to Kindness

As a mirror reflects an object,
As a still lake reflects the sky,
Take care that what you speak or act is for good.
For goodness will always cast back goodness,
And harm will always cast back harm.
       - The Buddha

Today's children's elementary lesson drew from a Buddhist story about how to handle the very strong emotion of anger.  In the story, the Buddha responds to someone's anger in an unconventional way that teaches the power of love, both in disarming the anger of another, and in refusing to take on the anger that another person attempts to inflict.  Children discussed various ways to rely on love and faith to move themselves - and thereby others - from anger to love.

Anger was affirmed as a normal, healthy feeling.  It is our body's way of alerting us to problems.  "Righteous anger" can even give us the energy we need to right wrongs in the world.  However, anger can also be misdirected or expressed in hurtful ways.

In exploring anger and ways to defuse it, the children experimented with non-verbal communication to express anger and empathy.  In a mirroring activity, they paired up and practiced mirroring their partners arm and hand movements.  This exercise was designed to cultivate awareness of another person, and to be present with them.  This simple practice can go a long way to defusing anger both in another person, and within oneself.

The children heard a story about the Buddha and his unexpected reply to a surly young man who began angrily ranting at him.  Instead of taking in the insults and anger, the Buddha calmly told the man that he did not accept his "gift" of curses and anger; therefore, the "gift" stayed with the owner.  The children then explored the cryptic lesson of the Buddha about actions being mirrored back to the one who acts - and his gentle admonition to make sure that what you speak or act is always for good, for just as right action reflects back kindness to the owner, if anger and hatred is what comes forth that is what will be returned.

The activity concluded with children creating their own sets of calming beads, or "counting your blessings" beads which they could run through their fingers to help defuse their own feelings of anger and bring about a sense of calmness and control.

Responding with Love

The sun never says to the earth,
"You owe me."
Look what happens with a love like that.
It lights up the whole sky!
         - Hafiz, Sufi poet

Today's elementary lesson from the LOVE WILL GUIDE US curriculum focused on the third Source of Unitarian Universalist beliefs:  "wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life."  A story from Sufism, a mystical facet of Islam, demonstrates responding to negativity with gentleness and love.

We learned a little bit about the ancient religious practice of Sufism, and the whirling meditative dance of Sufi devotees.  A story from Sufism, "The Dervish in the Ditch", prompted the children to explore how they would respond to meanness, and challenged them to think of ways they could respond with kindness and understanding rather than retaliation.  Children were also guided into distinguishing between situations that could safely be responded to with gentleness, and situations that require adult intervention.

AS A FAMILY ..... you are encouraged to engage your child frequently in role playing scenarios that could come up in their everyday life.  Can they step into someone else's shoes to understand behavior that might at first be interpreted as "mean", and then respond with kindness?  An example might be one student bumping into another in the school hallway.  Were they being intentionally mean?  Or might they have been so preoccupied with their own problems and worries that they simply didn't notice?  One way to respond would be to retaliate - to push or shove back, or plot to "get even".  A Sufi approach would be to mentally wish them a better day, and then calmly set the incident aside.  Can they differentiate when a situation might be unsafe for them, and the best response would be to seek out adult intervention?  An example could be bullying.

Encourage your child to try to live a life full of goodness and love because that is how we will become the best people we can be.